


best fake smile

by avonleasangel



Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anne needs a hug, Anne not addressing her past, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, F/M, Gilbert wants to give her one, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, and acting like shes fine, but shes really not, like far from it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2020-03-05 14:16:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18830359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avonleasangel/pseuds/avonleasangel
Summary: Anne dug her fingernails deep into her palms, she would not let her past and foolish anxiety ruin this trip for her friends.When Miss Stacey plans a class to trip to Nova Scotia and Gilbert notices that Anne isn't as excited as the rest of the class is to go.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> lol we'll see if this idea goes according to plan

It should be kept on record, that were had been very few times in Anne Shirley’s life where she had been rendered speechless. Her love of reading had expanded her vocabulary and allowed her to describe almost anything with a fluid eleganancy. 

When it did happen, Anne was always left dumbfounded as she felt her most scared companion, her words, deserted her. They had been with her through every assault, beating and act of negligence that she had endured and were one of the only constants in her life. 

Usually, she rejoiced in the announcements that Miss Stacy made; she was the one prattling on and on with exuberance afterward. Instead, Anne was enwreathed by her classmates boisterous cheers, even though she sat in the same classroom, all the noise sounded distant and far away, as if she was submerged underwater. Diana had immediately turned around and engaged in an excited conversation with Ruby and Jane about what the sleeping arrangements would be like and if the boys would stay in the same house. 

Anne remained motionless in her seat. 

Her hands had curled into tight fights, expressing the emotion that the rest of her body couldn’t: fear. It had been awhile since she had felt like this, like her blood had been replaced with ice, making her colder with each beat of her heart. 

A tight hand on her shoulder jolted Anne back into reality. “Anne, aren’t you just positively thrilled?” Diana chirped.

Anne blinked several times before turning to fully face Diana, and willed her lips to take the form of what she hoped to be an authentic smile. “Oh, yes. I feel electrified with felicity I had to take a couple moments to process it all,” She quickly glanced around the schoolhouse, taking in her peers anticipation, “a week in Nova Scotia, it sounds like a promise for adventure.” 

“I know!” Ruby gushed, leaning forward on her desk, “I bet the boys there are so going to be so handsome.”

Anne dug her fingernails deep into her palms, she would not let her past and foolish anxiety ruin this trip for her friends.  


Despite her most valiant efforts, Miss Stacey was unable to capture the attention of the class for the rest of the morning which led to her exempting the students from their afternoon lessons and releasing them after lunch. Anne found herself pushing through her classmates that were filing out of the room. 

“Anne, what can I do for you?” Miss Stacey said with smile. Anne wished she hadn’t set down her pen, she didn’t want her full attention, that made putting on her facade more difficult. 

“I was just wondering what we would be doing on this trip.” Anne found herself looking at the floorboard and corrected her posture immediately. “For persuading purposes, Matthew will gladly let me go, but Marilla will need some convincing.” That wasn’t a lie, Marilla had barely allowed her to go to Gertrude's soiree last spring. 

“Well, I’ve been writing back and forward with a friend that lives in Nova Scotia for the past few months and last week he wrote and told me that he finalized everything. He’s organized for us to work with the local shops and businesses, as well as scheduling us to volunteer at the church and orphanage.” 

Anne felt her stomach lurch into her throat. Taking a deep breath, she pressed her lips into a smile and thanked her teacher for the information before spinning on her heel and walking back to the coatroom at what she hoped was a reasonable pace.

The rest of the students had already left, probably clambering home to get their parents approval to go on the trip. She let her body revert to autopilot as she put on her hat and jacket. 

She descended the stairs two at a time, she wanted to get back to Green Gables as quickly as she could. “Anne!” 

“Gilbert Blythe! After the day I’ve had, I most certainly did not need you startling me!” Anne pressed her lips tightly together as soon as the last word of her outburst had left her lips. She didn’t mean to snap, especially at Gilbert of all people. If it were anyone else besides Diana, she would’ve braced herself for their rebuttal. 

But Gilbert was Gilbert, and she watched as the small smile that he adorned slowly slipped off his face as a look of concern replaced it. She poked a finger into his chest, “Gilbert, you wipe that look off your face this instant! I most certainly do not need your commiseration!” 

“My apologizes, but I don’t think I ever offered it.” The smile was back on his lips and his brown eyes shone with their familiar mischievous. Anne was in no state to appreciate either given the disheveled state she was in, she huffed and turned to begin her walk home. 

Gilbert allowed her to get a few paces ahead of him before speaking up, “Are you going to let me walk you home or I am going to have to go home with a guilty conscience knowing I let a pretty girl walk home by herself?” 

Anne muttered a reply under her breath and Gilbert was by her side in seconds, “What was that? I didn’t catch what you said.” 

“Do as you wish Gilbert.” Not prepared for such a short answer, the raven-haired boy simply nodded as he matched his pace to the redhead next to him. 

 

The walk back to Green Gables had taken twenty minutes, it was very short if it was to be compared to the others. Anne had habit of marveling at the beauty they encountered, which often lead to her straying off the path to collect the most prepossessing flowers that the fields had to offer. 

It wasn’t something that bothered Gilbert, he savored this time he had with Anne, by himself and if asked, he would wholeheartedly admit that he was disappointed that it was cut short today. 

Gilbert was distraught to say the least, never before had they made to Green Gables this fast. “Penny for your thoughts?” He asked as they neared the gates, he desperately wanted to know what was keeping Anne so quiet. 

“Oh, I was just thinking of how I am going to coarse Marilla into sanctioning this trip.” Her reply came too fast and it lacked the impregnable emotion that she put into her words. It was sounded as if she had rehearsed it again over and over in her head. “Stop looking at me like that, Gilbert. I’ll be back to normal once I get permission to attend.” 

Anne paused at the fence and fully faced him, firmly meeting his gaze for the first since they had departed from school. “Thank you for walking me home, I’m sorry I wasn’t better company.” She said quietly and gave a small smile before ducking through the fence. 

“See you tomorrow.” Gilbert called from his place beyond the fence, though it was the last place wanted to be. In truth, he itched to jump the fence and stay with Anne until she told him what really was going on. 

But, he was no novice in dealing with Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, she would tell him the truth when she was ready. 

 

Rest of week had been exceptionally arduous for Anne, she had been trying to dodge her friends pestering her about whether or not she could go on the trip. She had meant to ask Marilla when she had gotten home on Wednesday, but lost heart when she had walked into a heated discussion between Marilla and Matthew. Since then, there had been lingering tension in the house and Anne couldn’t bring herself to break it just yet. 

At this point, Anne was tempted to tell everyone that she couldn’t go; it wouldn’t be a total lie. No way would Marilla allow her to go on the trip if she found out about it this late. The class was scheduled to catch the 12:30 train to Nova Scotia after mass on Sunday, Marilla’s exasperation would be her excuse for not being able to go. 

Though she told herself not to, Anne couldn’t help but wonder: had everyone truly forgotten where she had come from? The thought acted like a two sided blade in Anne’s mind. If they had indeed forgotten that she had come to Avonlea from Nova Scotia, it meant that she was no longer regarded as an bohemian. On the flip side, how could these people that claimed to care about her overlook such a monumental fact?

Anne shook her head to riddle herself of such frivolous thoughts and returned her attention to the math problem in front her. 

Only God himself knew how deeply Anne resented geometry. 

“What do you mean you don’t know if you’re going?” Diana shrieked as she withdrew her arm from where it had been intertwined with Anne’s. “Why on earth haven’t you asked yet?”

Because confronting my horrid past and the place that left me with nightmares that still haunt me today doesn’t sound like the most convivial thing to do, you know?. “Marilla hasn’t been in the best mood lately, if I asked I knew she would say no.” 

“Nonsense, you don’t know that for certain. I’m going to go ask her right now, on your behalf.” Diana restrung her arm through Anne’s and resumed their walk at an accelerated pace. 

It was all Anne could to keep herself conjuring a lie to dissuade Diana from her intentions, but once Diana Berry made up her mind, there was little that could be done to change it.

“Anne, why am I now just learning about this trip of yours?” Marilla’s tone held a familiar level of indigence after listening to Diana’s articulate explanation of the situation. The older women barely lifted her gaze from the spreadsheet that littered the kitchen table. 

Anne knew it well, and she usually was fairly well acquainted with the no that usually followed it. Problem solved, she thought, with a small grin. No trip meant not having to go back to Nova Scotia and risk the chance of encountering the assailants of her past. 

“I apologize for not informing you of the trip sooner, Marilla, but after your discourse with Matthew, I thought it best for me to stay back and help around the farm so he wouldn’t over exert himself.” Anne clasped her hands behind her back and willing her eyes to convey the emotion that couldn’t be put into words. 

“Nonsense, Anne, I think it would be a good idea for you to go. It would give you a chance to explore the possibilities of becoming a teacher, considering all the work you’ll be doing with the children.” Marilla then carefully took her quill, dipped it in ink and signed the permission slip. She lifted the parchment up to her lips, blowing on it softly to dry the ink before extending it to Anne. 

“Thank you, Miss. Cuthbert! I promise Anne and I will look after one another on the trip.” Diana squealed with delight, snatching the permission slip from Marilla’s grasp. 

Anne bristled with anger as she felt Diana’s arms wrap around her in elation. Marilla could take one look at Anne at any given day and be able to tell exactly what she was thinking. Usually, Anne despised her guardians ability to read her so easily, why now hadn’t she picked up on her silent plee?

“I have to get home before mother has a cow at my tardiness. Come over tomorrow after your chores? I think I have an old dress that would fit you splendidly.” Diana said with a smile, giving her friend one last squeeze before releasing her. 

If Diana had offered this before this trip ordeal, Anne would have already been bubbling with exhilaration at the chance of trying on one of Diana’s dresses. 

Puffed sleeves didn’t even enter Anne’s mind as she gave Diana a tight lipped smile. “I highly doubt that, Diana, but I’ll be over as soon as the last drop of milk hits the bucket.” 

The pair walked in a comfortable silence to the gate. Anne started back to Green Gables after Diana had disappeared into the tree line. 

“Anne, would you please start slicing the carrots for the stew? I’m just about finished with this paperwork.” Marilla called as Anne reentered the house. The redhead crossed into the kitchen and moved to grab the carrots off of the counter. 

“Not before you wash your hands.” The older woman pointedly interjected. Anne walked over to the sink, unclenching her fists as she did so. Unknowingly, Anne had let her nails grow out longer than she normally did. As she began to wash her hands, Anne took note that the palms of her hands were covered a thin layer of dried blood that had come from the skin that had been broken in the shape of half-moon crescents. 

This had been a regular occurrence during her time with the Hammonds or at the Orphanage, she had not had a second to relax there. Though, she had lost the habit after the Cuthberts had adopted her. 

“Is something the matter, Anne?” Marilla implored from the table. 

“Oh, everything’s perfectly fine, Marilla. I just got lost in my thoughts.” Anne called back, scrubbing harder at the residue on her hands. 

Anne caught her own gaze in the mirror as she dried her hands off on her apron. She recognized the familiar haunted look that swirled in the depths of her blue eyes; she knew it well. 

Welcome back, Katie, she thought.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if any of you who read this know french and are appalled by the grammar, i apologize i had to use google translate for it only because i refuse to believe that anne would not learn french at some point during her friendship with jerry.

The rest of the weekend passed in a blur. It consisted mostly of Marilla fretting over if Anne had enough dresses to bring along on the trip. In the end, Marilla had decided that she didn’t. 

So while Anne was tasked with getting ahead on her chores, Marilla invited Rachel over and the two sat at the kitchen table sewing.

The new dresses weren’t anything extravagant, Anne made sure that they weren’t after explaining all of the outdoor work that they would be doing.

Rachel had even found an old pair of overalls, leftovers from when her sons were younger that she had altered to fit Anne, only after Anne had promised that she would only wear them if she absolutely had to. 

Even after receiving such wonderful clothes, Anne’s stomach still churned anxiety throughout her body. 

She stared numbly at the breakfast in front of her, pushing the scrambled eggs around the edge of her plate. “Are you going to eat? Or I should bring your plate out to the stables? Belle and Jerry would surely appreciate it.” Marilla said evenly, taking a nonchalant sip from her coffee.

The redhead opened her mouth, ready to refute but promptly closed it when she realized her argument would come to no fruition. Anne was going to say that she was still full from last night’s dinner but she hadn’t eaten last night’s dinner, claiming a stomach ache and insisting that Jerry bring home her share for his sisters. 

And after a sleepless night, the last thing she wanted to do was eat. Anne took several forkfuls of the eggs and shoveled them into her mouth. A piece of buttered toast followed. “Shouldn’t we be leaving soon?” Anne asked, clearing the table of her dishes before starting on Marilla and Matthew’s. 

“Relax, child. Matthew hasn’t even been down to eat yet! Leave his plate be, as for you, go help Jerry ready Belle for the ride to church. I’ll finish cleaning up and join you shortly.” 

“I’ll have Belle ready before you can spell festinate!” Anne quickly took her leave and pushed open the screen door. She had one foot out the door before Marilla’s voice reined her back inside. 

“Bring your luggage out with you!” 

Anne’s grip on the door handle tightened momentarily before she drew in a sharp breath, if she wanted to get out of this cursed trip this was her last chance. 

“Gosh, stop being so tenuous and puerile.” Anne grumbled to herself as swung her rucksack over her shoulders and grabbed the other suitcase in her other hand. She stepped back into the morning and felt the warm sun on her skin. Under normal circumstances, Anne would have dropped her things then and there and gone about memorizing every fantastical flower and marveling at how the sunlight broke through the trees in the most indescribable manner. 

She barely acknowledged the beauty that surrounded her as she trekked to the barn. Anne was thankful for the silence that greeted her at the doors, finally giving her a space where she could think without being interrupted. 

Belle neighed softly as she registered Anne’s presence. With a small smile, Anne walked over and began to gently stroke the horse’s velty nose. “I’ll do better when we get there Belle, I have to. Besides, it’s been two years since I’ve been back there, surely no one will remember me.” 

“Parler à nouveau au cheval?” 

“Jerry ne fais pas ça!” Anne exclaimed fervently. Couldn’t she just get one minute to herself?

The French boy took his time as he descended the ladder from the loft. “Your French has gotten better, your scoldings need a work though.” 

Anne rolled her eyes, “Isn’t there some hay that needs tending to?” She said gruffly, she was not in the mood for Jerry’s teasing.

“Just finished.” With a smile, Jerry got into the wagon and settled himself in the middle of the seat. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Anne exclaimed indignantly. 

“Marilla, I could ac-ompaee you to church today and help see you off. I said that wrong didn’t I?” His tanned cheeks flared with embarrassment upon realizing his mistake and he nervously scratched his ear. 

Much to her chagrin, Anne swung her luggage into the back of the wagon, and slowly lead Belle out of the barn, who pulled the wagon behind her. The redhead then took her place on the seat, but not before pushing Jerry to the side. “You almost got it though, it’s accompany. You just forgot to stress the last syllable.

“Anne!” Marilla called from the house, if the urgency hadn’t been evident in her voice Anne would have stayed in the wagon. Reluctantly, she got out of the wagon and ran back to the door. 

“Matthew seems to have fallen ill, I hate to miss seeing you off but someone needs to stay back with him this morning and I---” 

Anne laid an understanding hand on Marilla's arm, “It’s perfectly alright, Marilla. Jerry and I will make it to the church in due time and I’ll be sure to talk him through some of the more complex chores.” 

The grandfather clock in the living room chimed nine times, indicating that Anne only had twenty minutes to make it to mass. “Oh Marilla, I regretfully apologize for not waking up sooner, if I had we wouldn’t have to cut our tragic goodbye short. Be sure to tell Matthew that it breaks my heart not being able to say goodbye in person---” 

It was the older woman’s turn to interrupt, she cut Anne’s ramble short by bringing the girl into a short but warm embrace. 

Sucking in a pacifying breath, Anne wrapped her arms tightly around Marilla and closed her eyes. She gave herself this moment, and this moment alone to relax. Things would surely be different after this trip, as much as Anne waited her past to stay in that tense, with her luck she knew something would come up. It always did. 

For now, she let herself be engulfed by vanilla, lemon and pine, all the scents of Marilla and of home. “Anne?” 

That was the cue for her to leave. Anne gave Marilla one last squeeze before stepping back and running back to the wagon. 

“Qu'est-ce que c'était?” Jerry asked as Anne climbed back into the wagon. 

“Matthew’s sick and Marilla has to stay back, I was saying goodbye.” Anne squirmed under Jerry’s curious gaze, “Pouvons-nous aller s'il vous plaît?”

With a shake of his head, the French boy clicked his tongue and urged Belle forward with a pull of the reins. “You forgot to stress the last syllable.” Anne reached a hand over and pulled his pageboy hat over his eyes in a playful manner. 

Jerry knew he wasn’t as keen as Anne was at reading people but he knew Anne well enough to tell something was up. Despite his desire to ask her about it, he knew it was in his best interest not to poke his nose where it wasn’t wanted. “We’ll work on your pronunciation when you get back, your accent will surely come back if you go a week without practicing.” 

Anne rolled her eyes but inched closer to Jerry on the bench. Her exhaustion hadn’t hit her until now. Without thinking, she rested her head on his shoulder and felt him tense at the sudden intimacy. She had spent her weekend busying herself by prepping Green Gables to be without her for a week and meticulously packing for the trip. Rest had been the last thing on her mind. “Relax, Jerry.” She mumbled, “I barely slept a wink all weekend. God knows I need to be rested to deal with Josie Pye.”

 

Gilbert never considered himself to be a particularly angry person, but he would be lying if he said he hadn’t wanted to punch a hole through the wall of the church when he watched Jerry Baynard drive the Cuthbert’s wagon to church, with an Anne asleep on his shoulder. 

“Everything okay there, Blythe?” Bash nodded to his friend’s fists that were clenching and unclenching at his sides. 

“I really don’t want to hear it right now, BAsh” He said tersely as he pulled his snickering friend into church. 

Sitting in front of Anne Shirley-Cuthbert was something that Gilbert had never complained about, until now. Until he had to look at Anne quietly laughing with Jerry, effectively irritating those around them. 

And church was something that he normally enjoyed, except for this service. Gilbert wanted to flip the pew that he was sitting in. Ten times over. 

“Just a friend, huh?” He also wanted to punch Bash ten times over too. In that moment, he settled for forcefully pressing the heel of his shoe into Bash’s foot. 

After the pastor had finished the benediction and released the town from the service, Gilbert found himself to be one of the first people out of the church. 

“Is it always like that? Church I mean.” Gilbert turned to see Jerry tentatively walking over to him. 

“I want to reassure you and say no but unfortunately, yeah. Why is this the first time I’ve seen you here?” Gilbert meant the question genuinely, and hoped that his current frustration hadn’t seeped into his tone. 

“Sunday’s are my day off but my papa and maman’s English isn’t the best. My sisters and I aren’t much better but we take turns reading them the Bible though, the parts we understand at least.” He paused for a moment before smiling, “Mr. Cuthbert’s sick and Miss. Cuthbert had to stay back and tend to him, that’s why I escorted Anne here this morning. Platonically.” 

Gilbert found both a weight leaving his chest and a confusion settling at upon hearing the last word. Jerry laughed, “When I heard Anne say it for the first time, I didn’t know what it meant neither. What I got from her explanation is that it is a fancy way of saying two people are just friends.”

Why did now he now find himself feeling lighter than air after Jerry’s revelation? 

A familiar airy laugh broke Gilbert from his thoughts. Anne, with Diana in tow, was working on making her way over to the two boys and the Blythe boy noticed how Jerry stood up a little straighter. 

“Bonjour, Miss. Barry.” Jerry tipped his hat towards the brunette, whose cheeks flared red. 

“Bien martin, Jerry. Comment vas-tu?” She responded with ease.

Anne left the two in avid conversation and nonchalantly made her way over to Gilbert,“J'aime mes amis mais ils peuvent parfois être très inconscients.” 

“Come again.” Gilbert said in exasperation, since when did Anne know French? 

He noticed the way her eyes lit up as she registered his disbelief. “I said, I love my friends but they sure can be oblivious sometimes.”

“Oblivious to what?”

“Their obvious adoration for one another. It’s infuriating, Gilbert, constantly having Diana tell me that I’m the delusional one when she’s one that says that you---” 

“Oh yeah? What about me?” He smirked, daring to step closer to the redhead, who remained calmly in her place despite his advances.

Instead, Anne tilted her head up and confidently met his gaze. “Wouldn’t you like to know.” Mischief swirled in the cerulean depths of her eyes, which Gilbert couldn’t bring himself to look away from. He cautiously took another step closer to the smiling girl.

“Alright, class bid your final goodbyes! Our train leaves in ten minutes.” Miss. Stacey’s voice rang out over the crowd and Gilbert watched as Anne’s eyes quickly glazed over with panic, disengaging herself from him. 

Diana joined the pair while Anne and Jerry shared one last nod as the crowd carried the students over to their teacher. 

What had he done?

 

If someone had told Anne that she would be returning, willingly, to a town that had only inflicted pain and nightmares upon her, at any point in her life, the redhead would have taken that opportunity to have a good laugh. What idiot would put themselves through such a dismal trial? Well, turns out, Anne would happen to be that idiot.

She sat next to the window with Diana and Tilly on her right, with Josie, Ruby and Jane across from them. A whole compartment of the train had been reserved for the students and naturally, the class had split off into their respective groups. Gilbert, Charlie and Moody, along with the rest of the tolerable boys had taken to the front. Anne and her friends had snagged the middle rows with Billy and his unbearable band of baboons situated behind them. 

Ruby had immediately instituted a conversation about the potential beaus that she would meet. “I hardly think distance would be a problem, Diana. If two people are meant to be, nothing will prevent them from being together. Not even a four hour train ride.” 

While invested in her book, Anne couldn’t stop the scoff from escaping her lips, or the group from shifting their attention to her. 

“Do you have something to add, Anne?” Josie sneered. 

“I don’t share the same the same, simplistic beliefs is all. I believe that fate is something far more complicated than a guranetted happy ending. I would think that if two people are meant to be together, they would do everything in their power to not let any distance come in between them at all. That’s what I would expect at least.” Anne replied, keeping her eyes on the page. 

“That’s a fairly high exception for someone like you to hold, Anne. I mean if I were you, I would settle for the first man who would even consider to marry a dowry-less, orphan. One girl only gets so many beaus right?” 

Anne tightened her grip on her book, and stiffly turned the page. Oh how she wanted to scream in frustration at the blonde-haired beauty. Didn’t Josie know these were all things that she was painstakingly aware of? Personally, Anne found it kind that with the resentment that Josie harbored for her, that she had even said that a man would want to be with her. 

“Josie! It’s very brash of you to assume that!” Ruby refuted, sending a pointed glare across the aisle, surprising everyone, including Anne herself. “Who are you to dictate Anne’s future romances?”

Josie didn’t respond, grumbling she got up and went to the one of the unaccompanied rows, where Billy soon joined her. 

“Don’t listen to her, Anne. I take it that her parents have been pressuring her into starting a courtship soon. It doesn’t excuse her behavior, but it gives some explanation as to why she’s been a bit temperamental lately.” Jane laid a gentle hand on Anne’s knee and offered a small smile. The redhead nodded and returned the smile gratefully. 

Ruby redirected the conversation, “Anyway, back to what I was saying, do you think there are any worthy boys in Nova Scotia?” 

In Anne’s opinion, the phrases worthy boys and Nova Scotia shared absolutely no correlation with one another. Every boy she had encountered before coming to Avonlea had been so unbelievably wicked and vile that they even gave Billy Andrews a run for his money. 

Perhaps it was the red hair or how they despised Anne’s big words but they never had a nice thing to say about her. She knew they curious to what the words meant but they never bothered to ask. Anne would have gladly explained the definitions if they did. But the boys were rather ignorant that way, shutting Anne up in every way they could think of instead of asking her what the words meant. 

When Anne opened her mouth to respond but Ruby giddily shushed her. “I’ve decided I want to be surprised. Each second I’m getting closer to my potential beaus! It makes this torturous train ride more bearable, don’t you think?” 

With a small nod, Anne took that as her cue to go back to her book. Though she couldn’t remain as focused on the words as before. She wished she would her bosom friends excitement about their impending arrival but as each second passed, Anne found her past calamities overtaking her mind and the tightness in her chest expanding and spreading to the rest of her body. 

Anne hoped that when Diana leaned over and rested her head on her shoulder, that despite tension that was growing inside her, that her shoulder was still comfortable enough to rest on.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this update is shorter than the others by far but i didn't want to go a whole month without updating so here it is:)
> 
> (and i apologize to those of you who might have been waiting for this)

Nova Scotia’s train station wasn’t as grand as the one in Charlottetown but the students were soon enveloped into the boisterous crowd as they got off the train. 

Passersby maneuvered around the group, grumbling incoherent grievances about how they were taking up the platform, but some lacked manners of that standard. 

Charlie Sloane hadn’t been off the train for more than a minute before a gruff, older boy collided with him abruptly. It was evident by the way that he held himself, that the stranger possessed a familiarity with the train station and its assemblages of people that the Avonlea native was bereft of. 

Anne recognized how he kept his eyes toward the ground and that his weight was kept on the balls of his feet, that way he would be able to react faster if someone tried to mug him. She knew the technique well. 

Charlie stayed on the soiled ground for an embarrassing extra few seconds, excepting the stranger to help him up, to perform an Avonlea custom.

Anne wanted to tell him that Avonlea was very different from its urban counterparts but Gilbert beat her to it by pulling their classmate up and whispering a quick few words in his ear. 

Miss Stacey, who hadn’t taken notice of the collusion, called for the class to follow her outside. Anne couldn’t help but take notice of her classmates whispers, all commenting on how revolting and disgusting the station was. 

If this was just their thoughts about a building? What would they think of her if they knew that she came from this? 

Relax, they’re not going to find out, She reminded herself. 

They couldn’t. 

 

Even with his worldly travels under his belt, Gilbert kept a tighter grip on his things and made sure his step remained light. Nova Scotia wasn’t Trinidad, whose natives welcomed Bash and him into their community almost immediately.

The people that he passed, seemed to be weighed down by something that Gilbert couldn’t decipher and whatever this was, it didn’t discriminate, he saw it in the faces of the children too. 

Only Anne seemed to be the only one that was at ease, the same curiosity was evident on her features as her eyes danced around the crowd. That was until, what Gilbert assumed to be, the one o’clock train’s whistle echoed throughout the station. The sound waves startled his classmates, and he noticed how they seemed to resonate with Anne in particular. It was discreet the way she reacted, curling even tighter into her palms as she seamlessly carried on her conversation with Diana.

Soundlessly, the raven-haired boy maneuvered between his peers. “Pretty cool, huh.” He commented, leaning as casually as possible, and ever so slightly, closer to Anne. 

He smiled to himself as the last of her exchange with Diana wafted to his ears. 

“What, Diana, no, you’re staying here! Ruby is fine, she has Jane and Tilly--- Diana Berry!” She hissed, before taking a deep breath and facing him. “You were saying, Gilbert?”

“I just found the architecture of the building interesting is all.”

Anne snorts and Gilbert felt his heart stutter as he watched the smallest of smiles grew on her lips. “What are you trying to get at here, Blythe? Because we are both fully aware of that your foreign travels have rendered a city like Nova Scotia, colossal and abhorrent. The smallest piece of pyrite compared to your slew of gold.”

“I needed a reason to come over and ask you a question.” He watched as the heat crept up her neck, tinging her ears and cheeks pink. With anyone else, he wouldn’t be this blunt but this was Anne. 

They had never been anything but honest with one another, and he wasn’t about to start lying now. 

She didn’t answer but the growing ebullient exasperation in her eyes told him to go on. 

“I’m worried.”

“About what?”

“About you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you.”

All the playfulness had now left Anne’s eyes. “That’s not a question, Gilbert.” She scoffed, and quickened her pace, an obvious attempt to end the conversation. Now, it was Gilbert’s turn to clench his fists. 

Sure, he hadn’t known Anne all that long, a few years compared to the lifetime he had with his classmates but he would quick literally be damned if he let her self preservation complex, well that lack of one, destroy her. 

She was passionate, anyone could one look at her and know that, which meant that the word half-hearted wasn’t in her vocabulary. He had been a witness to the extremes that she went to be there for those she loved. 

Her passion had a flip side to it though, as most things do.

Over the summer, she had stayed with Bash and Mary for a week when he had decided to spend a full week in Charlottetown for his apprenticeship. He had come back to a house riddled with sickness, both adults had come down with an awful head cold, which left Anne as the sole caregiver for the Lacroix family. The redhead had always been skinny but Gilbert could have sworn her collarbones had stuck out with a prominence that he was unfamiliar with. 

His fingers had wrapped themselves around Anne’s wrist before he had even registered his arm moving.

 

Anne glared at Gilbert, not even sparing a glance to his hand that now held her arm or a thought to how his thumb had begun to rub slow circles on the inside of her wrist---She was all anger now. “Gilbert, I appreciate your concern. It’s chivalrous, really, but it’s unneeded and unwarranted because I am fine.”

“F-I-N-E, the little antics that you’ve obviously caught me doing happen when I’m nervous, yes. I’m over hundred miles away from Matthew and Marilla for the first time since before they adopted me, excuse me if I have some nerves about the whole situation. Take that into consideration before you profile me again. Besides, I’m my own person, I don’t need you fretting over every minuscule move I make!” 

For all things considered, emotions and all, Anne let out a short, indignant sigh and gave a curt nod before spinning on her heel and rejoining Diana and Ruby.

 

The wagon ride was short, though Ruby’s avid excitement about where they would sleep and how long it would take before their arrived there made Anne contemplate throwing herself out of the carriage and walking the rest of the way several times. 

“Where do you think we’re sleeping? Will it be close to the boy’s arrangements, you think?” Ruby implored for the umpteenth time. Her knee bounced up and down while she continuous wound a strand of hair around her finger. 

“Though, Nova Scotia has a certain jadedness to it, I hope that it provides a scope for the imagination.” Anne gave Diana with a flabbergasted look. “What? You were bound to rub off on me at some point. Just don’t tell Mother.”

Anne burst out laughing, it was completely out of context, but after a days worth of travel and her outburst with Gilbert, she welcomed the warm feeling, allowing to flood throughout her body and to over take her until Diana was the only reason that she was still sitting upright, and the rest of the group had tears in their eyes. 

The moment was cut short as the wagon rolled to a stop. Miss Stacey called for the students to get their things and join her at the front of the building. 

“Don’t people get paid to do this?” Josie grumbled as she wrestled with her trunks.

“They do, Miss Pye, but I figured we could give them the day considering all of you are more than capable of carrying your own possessions.” The older women’s voice was filled with mirth as she watched her class.

“Miss Stacey, is this where we’re sleeping?” Moody asked as he stumbled to the front of the group, nearly tripping over his own luggage in the process. 

“Once it’s dark, yes, Moody. The boys will take the upstairs, girls downstairs. My room happens to be right by the stairs and I’m a light sleeper, so don’t think about pulling any fast ones on me this week. But for now, we still got a few hours of daylight, so go get changed and meet me in the kitchen.” 

“What are we having for dinner?” The question came from Billy Andrews.

“I don’t know, Billy. That’s a question I should be asking you, well, all of you, because it’s your first assignment for the week.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see:0 
> 
> again, im really sorry if i left any of you waiting during that hiatus. tbh i lowkey lost inspiration for this chapter and had a really hard time making it good, but its up now so i hope that the rest of the book goes smoothly.
> 
> currently im also working on incorporating my two favorite goofballs into some other AUs so if y'all have any story lines that you would like to see them in, lmk bc im thinking of making a series out of them:)
> 
> anyway i hope you enjoy the update, i love your feedback so pls leave some and c u next time<3

Anne fiddled with the straps of the overalls that still hung loosely from her shoulders. 

For her first night back in Nova Scotia, the last thing she wanted was to draw any attention to herself. In the two years that she had been at Avonlea, the town had gone through its own changes, the whole homely, orphan ordeal had slowly phased over time. Josie, Billy and their respective lackeys satirized her for it. 

She desperately hoped that the inhabitants of her childhood. . .home wasn’t the word for it, because the word implied that there was some kind of love to be felt or received from the orphanage or the various homes she had been sent to work in. 

She had been on the receiving end of several things growing up; hands, belts, insults, never love. 

“Shirley, for heaven’s sake, get out of the bathroom! It’s not like you have much to look at anyway.” The doorknob violently twisted and the banging of Josie’s fist against the door followed. 

Anne met her gaze in the mirror, giving one last exasperated tug on the overall’s strap, willing it to tighten itself. Met with defeat, yet again, the redhead tucked her loose tendrils of hair behind her ears. 

“Why did it have to grow back so fast?” She cursed lowly for the first time since she had to chop her off the previous winter. 

Marilla and just about everyone in Avonlea knew how Anne despised her red hair, more specifically its natural appalling red hue, but never had she hated it this much. The vibrant color made her obviously conspicuous in every crowd, usually she thrived on attention but the mere chance of someone recognizing her made her light-headed from how fiercely her stomach was churning. 

Enough, she thought. 

Bash had taught her a breathing exercise a while back, one he and Gilbert used while having to clean out latrines on whatever ship they were employed on. “In through the nose, out from the mouth. But, make sure you hold it for a couple seconds, don’t be in no hurry to expose yourself to such filth.” 

Squaring her shoulders, Anne drew in a deep breath and savored the time she held the oxygen in her lungs because for this few negligible moments, the trepidation that had been ballooning in her chest, growing with every inhalation she took, stopped. For these few seconds, Anne felt like she was in control again, the impending sense of doom was no longer suffocating her. Ironically, she felt as if she could breathe properly again.

It was a temporary pause, a peace that she didn’t want to relinquish, but one she felt slip away as the breath left her lips.

Josie was leaning against the doorframe, picking at her nails when Anne opened the door. With a huff, the blonde brushed past her but not before purposefully digging her elbow into Anne’s side. 

“I didn’t know trash took that long to clean up.” Billy chirped from down the hall, the amount of self satisfaction he got from his comment normally would have made Anne sniffle a laugh as she walked past him. 

“I’m sorry, Billy, if I’d known that you were waiting for me, I wouldn’t have taken so long.” She quipped, not waiting for his rebuttal as she continued down the hall. An idiotic bully was the least of her problems. 

 

Miss Stacey was in the kitchen, stirring what Anne presumed to be tea in a pale green mug, her smile growing as the students began to file into the kitchen. Choosing an worn plush green chair, Anne sat and twiddled her thumbs as she waited for the rest of the class. 

One by one, everyone returned the kitchen. Despite, the room soon being full, it was enveloped by silence for several minutes, the steady tick of the smallest hand of the clock was the only sound that was heard. 

“Can we eat already? I’m starved.” Moody whinged, as his stomach growled. The rest of the boys chorused along, complaining that there was not a morsel of food in the house. 

“What are we supposed to make if we don’t have anything to cook with?”

“All the recipes I used were on paper, I don’t remember any of them!”

“Why should the girls have to cook?” Anne took notice of how the students attention had shifted to her. She had been thinking that, but she had no recollection of physically saying it. 

“Because it’s all you can do, obviously.” Billy snorted, nudging the boy next to him for help. “C’mon, guys, there’s reason they stay in the kitchen---it’s because it’s the easiest thing to do. While we’re out, making sure there’s food on the table, they spend all their time baking and cooking.” 

Anne’s fists clenched in her lap as she felt her temper flare, “You say it’s easy?”

Billy nodded smugly.

“Alright then, I, hereby, formally challenge you and the rest of the boys to cook dinner for the class tonight.” 

The class had grown accustomed to Anne’s boldness by now, but the redhead watched her proposition settle uneasily in the room. No had been expecting it that’s for sure. All the girls fiddled with the hem of their skirts, all eyes were cast to the floor because Anne supposed, they didn’t mind working in the kitchen. Anne in no way despised cooking or baking but if given the chance to wander in the crisp autumn air, lay out in the freshly fallen snow or find a new wildflower to bring back to Marilla, she would be out the door before her a towel could hit the floor. 

She had been told before that her goals were preposterous and were far too unrealistic for a girl of her age. At the youthful age of sixteen, most girls sought courtships from potential beaus and yearned to be married as soon as they were able. 

Anne physical gagged whenever she pictured herself in that role, how could her classmates settle for a life of washing dishes and measuring with going out and exploring what the world had to offer? 

Sensing the obvious discomfort in the room, Miss Stacey piped up from her place by the stove. 

“I think that is a marvelous idea, Anne, and sounds like a positively exciting learning experience. Girls decide on a recipe that you would like the boys to follow, and I’ll let three of you go to the market to get the ingredients.” Now that the challenge had been sanctioned, the girls quickly huddled together and began brainstorming potential ideas. 

A circle formed around the chair that Anne was sitting in. “What should we have them make, Anne?” Ruby gushed, practically bouncing up down in place. 

“It’s our decision, Ruby, what do you think?”

The smaller girl took her bottom lip between her teeth as she thought vigorously about the question. 

“Oh, I can’t decide! I’m too excited!” She exclaimed. 

 

Gilbert’s eyes flitted toward the burst of laughter that had come from the girl’s side of the room. The corners of his mouth lifted as he took in the circle they were standing in, more particularly how Anne was in the center of it, smoothly guiding the conversation along. His chest grew warm as he watched her features depict the elation that she felt in that moment: the crinkle of her nose as she laughed, the way her blue eyes shown when she laughed. 

Unconsciously, Gilbert made the decision then and there that he would do anything to keep her this happy and protect her from anything or anyone who would threaten it. 

At a pause in conversation, Anne tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and must have felt his gaze on her because she caught his eye through a gap in the crowd around. For just a few seconds, Gilbert felt the rest of the world and the noise around him slip away. A sharp pain grew in his chest as he so desperately longed to ask her what she was hiding and why her eyes grew shadowed and distant when she thought that no one was paying attention her. 

He knew she had questions for him too by the way that Diana had to nudge her shoulder thrice to bring her back into conversation. 

Gilbert knew they had come to a consensus when Jane promptly stood up, cleared her throat and clasped her hands behind her back. “We have made a decision!” She announced. 

“After careful deliberation, we have selected beef stew to be the dish that the boys will be making tonight.” 

“Excellent choice, ladies. Did you compile a list of the ingredients that they’ll need?” Miss Stacey asked. 

The brunette nodded and produced the list from the pocket of her apron. “Anne and Diana will be accompanying me to get the ingredients.” Jane announced, realizing the brazen tone she had used, a quick apology followed soon after. 

“Nonsense, Jane, never apologize for speaking your mind. Grab your jackets, girls, I’ll ready the wagon.” 

Gilbert watched as Anne and Diana left to get their coats, he found himself pushing off of the wall, an urgent question on his lips. He walked over to the coat rack where his teacher had busied herself with doing the buttons on the front of her coat. “Miss Stacey, um, don’t the girls need an escort to town?” 

The woman barely spared him a glance as she secured the last button. “In light of this role reversal, no they will not being one actually. Thank you for offering, Gilbert.”

“But, Miss Stac---”

“I’ll be with her the entire time, Gilbert, it’s going to be alright.” 

His borrows drew together in confusion, “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.” 

She laid a comforting hand on his shoulder just as the her in question bounced back into the room, with Diana right on her tail. “What kind of teacher would I be if I didn’t know my students?”

When the rest of the boys realized that their teacher was leaving, they were left dumbfounded. 

“How do you know we won’t burn the house down?” Charlie called after the group. 

“I don’t!” Was their only response. 

 

Anne was the first off the wagon once it had slowed to a stop, an attempt at avoiding Diana’s bombarding questions. “But, Anne, I don’t understand, how did you know that we had taken a wrong turn?” 

Truthfully, even after almost two years, Anne still knew Nova Scotia like the back of her hand as much as it pained her to admit. But she had told Diana that she had seen a sign on their way to the house that had been pointing in the direction of town. 

“It’s a good thing you were with us then, or who knows how long it would have taken us to get here.” Jane laughed as she joined the two girls.

The three had almost joined the crowd when it dawned on them that their supervisor and makeshift escort had stayed with the horse. “Miss Stacey, aren’t you coming?” 

“The butcher and vegetable kiosks are the first two stands on the left, I can keep my eye on the three of you from here just fine.” Her signature charismatic wink usually left Anne feeling at ease, but the gesture made her as if a thousand butterflies had just been let loose in her stomach. And these weren’t the good kind. 

A familiar bell rung in the distance, signalling what Anne remembered as the end of the last mining shift. The workers habitually flocked to the butchers on their way home and after a fourteen hour shift, their moods were almost as rotten as the mines they were coming off. Anne loved her friends dearly, but even a glimpse of one of the workers would leave Diana and Jane breathless. 

“I’ll see about acquiring the beef from the butchers, you go about procuring the vegetables and we’ll rendezvous back at the wagon.” Anne made sure her tone left nothing up for debate. 

“Where do you get these words, Anne?” Jane giggled as she and Diana joined the kiosk’s line. 

The butcher’s shop reeked of blood, the stench was so potent that Anne swore she could taste it. A barrel-chested man who, Anne assumed, probably had the job of being both the grim reaper and store clerk, judging from the splatters of red on his apron, loomed behind the counter, busying himself by sharpening knives. 

“I would like to purchase ten pounds of your finest beef, sir.” Squaring her shoulders and setting her jaw, Anne waited for him to look up.

“Come back with your daddy.” He grunted, not sparing Anne one glance. 

“Afraid I can’t do that, sir, seeing that my dad’s dead and all. So again, I would to purchase ten pounds of your finest beef.” 

This time, he looked up and Anne steeled herself as she took in the long scar that snaked its way across his nose, down his beefy neck and eventually disappeared underneath his shirt. Aside from his deformity, the man wasn’t really a man at all but a boy that couldn’t have had more than three or four years on her, muscled from no doubt having to fight for everything he wanted. 

He chuckled, revealing a dapper smile, before disappearing into the back of the store. 

“Aye, girl, what are you doing in here?” The slurred words made the hairs on the back of Anne’s neck stand to attention, she could tell it was a male from the rasp of his voice.

“I’m just inquiring about some beef for my daddy is all.” She made sure to keep her answer as plain as possible, if there was one thing she remembered about Nova Scotia, it was that its natives hated big words. 

“Odd job for a girl to have, ain’t it?”

“Someone had to do it, and I don’t have any brothers.” Anne was hyperware of the fact that the distance between them was slowly shrinking. 

The boy leaned on the counter in front of her, and drew the bottle to his lips, picking up on her discomfort, he laughed. “Something to get through the shift, ya know?” His eyes narrowed when she didn’t respond, “Got something to say, girl?”

“Doesn’t seem like the safest choice to make down there is all.” 

“I’ll do whatever I want to do, got it?” 

Anne nodded. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the way he was scrutinizing her attire. The faded overalls and muted grey coat she adorned were far from special, but the quality of the material gave away her foreign status. 

“You think that just cause your clothes are a bit nicer and because you’ve never had a drink, that you’re better than me? It’s because of savages like me that your clothes stay clean.” He took another long look at Anne, as if he were trying to piece together the pieces of a puzzle. 

Finally, the butcher returned with the beef and a burlap sack. His reentrance drew the miner’s attention away from Anne, who exchanged the money for the meat as swiftly as possible. 

“You remind of a girl I used to know.” It was the boy from the mines speaking. “She had red hair too.”

“Coincidences are funny that way.” Anne replied, as she placed the beef in the sack, cinched it and moved to step around the boy. 

She hadn’t made it three steps before his calloused fingers wrapped themselves around her wrist. Anne slowly turned, giving herself to prepare for what the boy was going to do next. In his other hand was a slab of beef, Anne reached for it but he pulled it away only slightly. “You kinda look like her too.” 

Closing her fingers around the parcel, Anne pulled it from his grasp and put it in the sack with the others. “I have one of those faces.” 

Giving him no further time to analyze her features, Anne spun on her heel and made her way out of the store and to the wagon. Diana and Jane were waiting with Miss Stacey, a brown bag spilling over with carrots, onions, potatoes and other greens sat in her bosom friend’s lap. 

“I apologize for my tardiness, the butcher had misplaced his fresh beef.” Anne said as took her spot on the wagon’s bench. 

Diana laid her hand against Anne’s cheek and tilted her face so their gazes aligned. “You look pale, do you feel sick?” 

“Not at all! The shop reeked of the most nauseating odors imaginable, I tried to keep my breaths as shallow as possible to save myself from the stench.” Anne gave a soft smile to ward off any potential doubts that her friend could harbor. 

Anne let Jane’s excitement about seeing her brother working in the kitchen lead the conversation on the ride back to the house. While dinner was guaranteed to be a spectacular and the odds of a consumable meal being presented were adequate at best, Anne couldn’t bring herself to be enthusiastic or perturbed, in her mind she was back in the butcher shop. 

She raked her memories trying to pull the miner’s face from them. He, like the butcher, was far too young to be in the workforce, but she credited the town’s lack of able bodies and perchance that the boy was also an orphan to him already working. She yearned for the chance that it really was just a coincidence and maybe another ginger-haired teenager had moved to town around the time she had been sent for. In her distress, Anne considered the option of revealing her secret. Not to the whole class, just to Diana. . .and Gilbert, then she could confide in them about her past traumas and present anxieties. 

But there was also the risk of being labeled the “orphan girl” again and after working tirelessly for the last two years to rid herself of that title, she wasn’t about to let it define her once again. 


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !warning! 
> 
> there is scene that depicts abuse. if any of you are sensitive to this content, feel free to skip over that part. 
> 
> but here's another chapter, i apologize for it taking so long. i honestly lost track of how many times i tried to start with chapter but here's attempt x and i hope y'all enjoy it! 
> 
> thank you so much for your continued support/feedback and please, please, please leave some in the comments:)

The dinner had been sub-par or maybe it had been sublime, in this case, Anne couldn’t give a proper review of the meal. She had pushed her bowl of stew away after three spoonfuls, but she assumed it was good enough considering that Moody snagged her bowl only seconds after he had finished his. 

Though she had gone without a substantial dinner, Anne had slept through hunger pains before, so she was confused as to why sleep was evading her. She had watched the last hour slowly tick away on the clock that hung on the wall, its hands signaled it was one thirty. The rest of the house had been asleep for hours. Diana and the rest of the girls had stayed up later than most, prattling on about all the possibilities that trip potential held for them. 

Anne had feigned a state of drowsiness, which allowed her to slip wordlessly away from the conversation. The redhead had hoped that her apocryphal display would coerce her brain into shutting off but to no avail, here she was: counting sheep for what felt like the umpteenth time with Diana’s arms and legs sprawled across her body. 

The extra weight was uncomfortable at first, but now it was nearing the point of being unbearable, almost suffocating. In the deepest part of her mind, she knew she was fine but her anxiety had enveloped that logic around midnight. While she was not biological related to Marilla, she shared similar anxious proclivities with the older woman, and she had overheard various conversations where Gilbert had suggested breathing techniques that were supposed to keep one grounded. 

Those techniques, she had decided, they were completely farcical because if they were truly beneficial, Anne was sure that her hands wouldn’t be coated with sweat and her throat wouldn;t feel as if it was stuffed with cotton. 

She bit down on her lip as Diana repositioned herself which resulted with her flipping to her stomach and her left mistakenly landing on her throat. Now, it was suffocating and Anne couldn’t bear it any longer, she quietly placed her bosom friend’s hand on the bed and slipped out of the covers. 

The house they were staying in was closer to the water than Avonlea and Anne was met with a colder air and damper grass than she was usually greeted with at Green Gables. Oh, how she longed for her bed and the familiarity of the farm, and the solace that the animals brought her. Here, there was no barn, so she settled for the front steps of the house instead. 

Goosebumps bristled on her arms, Anne drew her arms around herself and rested her head on her knees as she watched the wind move through the grass. She found her heart rate declining with every breeze that wound through the wild flowers in the yard. 

“Oh, flowers, how do you endure this everyday? Standing helpless in the face of this unrelenting wind, subject to its cruelty and carelessness? I suppose you lot are the masters who might have the answer to my inquiry: does it get easier? I’ve been the flower to the tumultuous winds of my past all my life and every time I feel as if I’ve established my roots, the wind returns and rips them away from me again and blows me down again.” 

Anne’s fingers closed around a particularly wilted flower at the base of the steps and plucked it from the ground. “You see, I fear that it is my destiny to suffer under such a familiar sentence.” 

The flower remained in her hands, as did she on the steps, until she was met with the reds, pinks and oranges of the morning. 

 

Miss Stacey had prepared oatmeal for the class, which was a substantial improvement from anything that Gilbert had made in the past few weeks, but he couldn’t enjoy it, not when the girl sitting across the table from him was pushing around her food around her bowl---for the third meal in a row.

She was usually a morning person, he had learned, but then again she loved every part of the day, claiming that each one head their own incomparable beauty, making it impossible to choose between them. His suspicions had been resonated with him ever since her uncharacteristic outburst at the train station, and he had tried to believe her. 

He really had. He had pushed down his concern for the past few days, but this, watching her skip every meal for the past forty-eight hours, this was his breaking point. 

Gilbert pushed his chair back and started after her. He dismissed Moody asking him if he could have the rest of his oatmeal with a wave of his hand. She was half away across the yard by the time he caught up to her. 

“Anne, please look at me.” He pleaded, reaching a hand out to her. 

Her pace only quickened. “I’m fine, Gilbert. Really,” she muttered behind her. 

Anne’s foot caught on an upturned root. Gilbert’s hand instinctively shot out and took hold of her wrist. The redhead had always been slim but the bones of her wrist were far too prominent for Gilbert’s liking. 

“Don’t touch me!” She pulled her wrist from his grasp. Gilbert gulped cautiously and took a step back. Anne continued before he got a chance to speak up. Finally, she turned toward him, with her arms drawn tightly across her chest and an unnerving ferocity blazing in her eyes. “I’m sorry for being so erratic. I woke up not feeling the best and decided that some fresh air would nice. Thank you for your concern, Gilbert, but I would very much appreciate having this time for myself.”  
Anne turned away before Gilbert could respond. What he would have said, he didn’t know, but he wanted her to know that he saw her. That he saw through the show she was putting on for everyone else. 

The desire to go after her was so overwhelming that it physically hurt him to turn back towards the house. 

 

Saint Alban's Orphanage was an enigma shrouded in trepidation and the exapersation of its inhabitants. The days that children would be brought in far outnumbered those when a couple would come looking for a child who they would love, rather than a workhand who’d they work to the bone. Anne had read about vampires in various books that she would embezzle from the offices during the night. Her imagination had held the dangerous species in very close connection with the orphanage and the mistresses. They all shared the ability of being able to drain the life from every living thing they came in contact with. 

How they had gotten here, the redhead wasn’t certain, Miss Stacey had ushered them onto the wagon without giving them a clue of where they were headed. Now standing under the all too familiar sign, Anne watched as the curious eyes of her classmates dimmed slightly as they proceeded towards the entrance. 

The Avonlea students were to help the children of Saint Albans with their chores for the day. Diana and Ruby were musing about what the chores would entail, each having come from a background that supplied them with enough financial stability that they hadn’t needed them to help around the house. 

“We’ll start in the gardens most likely, then depending on how much time that takes, dishes would be next and then garage will have to be taken out.” Anne said absentmindedly, picking at hangnail on her thumb. She was met with another round of giggles. “What?”

“Nothing, Anne” Ruby mused, “that’s an oddly specific schedule. That’s all.” 

“It’s almost like you’ve done these chores before.” Josie chirped from the back of the group. 

Anne bristled with anger and clenched her fists at her sides. “I have at Green Gables. They’re basic chores, Josie.” 

Thankfully, Miss Stacey dismissed all conversations as she reigned in the group’s focus. “Alright class, we’ll begin in weeding the gardens, make our way to the kitchens after that and then go from there!” 

Diana pulled on Anne’s apron. “Psychic,” she whispered. Anne pulled her lips into a small smile to acknowledge the complement. 

She ends up in a group with Ruby, Josie, Moody and three boys from the orphanage that introduced themselves as James, Pierce, who appeared to be about their age, and Mason, who Anne assumed to be around twelve. 

Taking her gloves, Anne delved straight into the work with Moody and Mason while Ruby and Josie sparked conversation with the two older boys. She watched the banter from the corner of her eye. It seemed harmless enough but her experiences with Nova Scotian boys made her weary of the situation. 

“Try digging a little deeper. That way you’ll be able to get more of the root out and it’ll take longer for the weeds to grow back.” She demonstrated the action for Moody, who was struggling to get the entire plant out. 

“You’re good at this, Anne.” Mason added after a few moments. He nodded at Anne’s pile of weeds which was at least double the size of everyone else’s. 

“I picked up the method after Matthew, my dad of sorts at Green Gables, had a heart attack, I had to Jerry, the farmhand, with more of the outdoor work. Wait, how’d you know my name?” Anne found her hand digging into the soil anxiously. 

“You said it when you introduced yourself,” Anne left out a breath of relief, “and I recognize you from the picture that mistresses keep in your file.” 

“Moody, Mason and I will be back in a few minutes. It looks like we’re going to need more disposal bags than originally anticipated.” She grabbed the younger boy’s hand and quickly dragged him from the garden. 

Anne waited until they were a safe distance away from the group. “File? What file? I came here weeks ago with a friend and the mistress said rats had eaten all the files!” She hissed. 

“The rat part is true. And it was really just a page in an old scrapbook of kids that I found the other day. It was thicker than the other stuff on the shelves and I thought it was a book. I remembered your red hair.” 

For a moment, Anne forget how to breathe. This couldn’t be happening. 

Noticing her evident distress, Mason continued, “I’ve only been here for a little over a year so I don’t know who else here would know you. I’m sorry.” He bit his lip and kept his gaze focused on the ground. 

She wiped quickly that the tear that had fallen and knelt down to the younger boy’s level. “No, I’m sorry, Mason. I got so caught up in my own melodrama that I’ve made you uncomfortable.” 

Mason shrugged, “I don’t care about that. I’m just confused. If you didn’t like it here, why did you come back?”

“I’m here on a school trip,” Anne responded stiffly, “and I thought that three years away from this place was enough to nullify all the pain that it caused me. I’m afraid I was sorely mistaken because I’ve only been here for two hours and I’ve already lost it---here I am spilling my guts to a ten year old.” 

“Don’t look at me like that! That look is the main reason why I didn’t tell anyone that this was the place where I spent the first thirteen years of my life!” She snapped when she felt the boy’s pitiful gaze. 

Taking a deep breath, Anne clenched her fists tightly; the pain grounded her. “Let’s just grab these bags and rejoin the group.” 

 

Anne spent the rest of the day being hyper-vigilant, calculating every move of her classmates and St. Alban’s residents. Currently, she was biting her tongue as she listened to the girls rage on about the cute, tragic boys that they had spent their days with. Ruby was prattling on about James, the boy from their group, and his dreamy eyes and soft looking hair. 

“What did you think about him, Anne?”

“S-Sorry, think what about who?” The redhead hoped she had misheard the blonde. 

“James! What do you think about him? Personally, I found him to be enthralling and very brave. Not many people can go on after their parents give them up.”

“I think that you don’t know him, Ruby. I don’t know him. There could be things that he isn’t telling you.” 

Ruby groaned and shoved Anne’s arm. “You’re being way too serious, Anne. Where’s the fun in that?”

That’s the point, Anne thought meekly, someone has to be a stick in the mud. 

Speaking of the devil, James and his entourage, who hadn’t been with him this morning, sauntered into the kitchen. The way their eyes trailed up and down each of the girls made Anne’s stomach roll. How could she be the only one to notice it? 

“Hey, Ruby, could we get your help bringing in the milk bottles? The milkman accidently left extra today.”   
Ruby nodded enthusiastically before skipping over to the boys. Anne watched them leave. Two minutes. That’s how long it took to bring in the milk and that’s how long she would be the boys the benefit of the doubt. If they didn’t come back, Anne would go find them, she really hoped that she was being supercilious. 

Unfortunately, two minutes later, Anne found herself exiting the group and raking her mind to remember the quickest route to the back door. 

They were in the back streets of the orphanage, the boys; they were slowly encircling Ruby, who was unconsciously backing up against the wall. Anne hadn’t realized how James had towered over Ruby in the morning; moreover, she hadn’t realized the same thing held true for his friends. A hang was beginning to slide up Ruby’s leg but Anne couldn’t see who it belonged to. 

“Hey, Ruby, Diana needs help french braiding Tilly’s hair and I’m no good with any hair that isn’t my own, so could you go? I’ll help James and his friends with the bottles.” She called out to the group. 

Thankfully, Ruby obliged and she slipped between the boys, her eyes glazed over with unshed tears. 

Anne exhaled and ran a hand down her face. “So, the bottles---”

“You think you’re slick, Red? I mean, obviously, you think you’re smarter than everyone but you really must think you’re slick pulling something like this.” James interrupted. 

This was not the time for Anne’s temper to flare but the Lord himself felt it spike. “Excuse me? I grew up with filthy, perfidious boys like you, and I just saved my friend from whatever you going to do with her! So, yeah, I do think that I’m slick, and yes, I do think that I’m smarter than you.”

Wrong answer, she thought as she watched James’s eyebrows draw together in anger. 

“You remind me of this girl that the mistresses talk about all the time. A whiny, talkative bitch that never learned no matter how many times they tried to beat sense of obedience into her. And you, Tyler, I’m thinking we got that same redhead on her hands now, what do you think?” James gestured to the boy to his right. 

Tyler and the third boy, whose name had yet to be dropped, shared a concurring look. “I think you’re right, James. I think the mistresses would be ashamed of us if we didn’t take this opportunity to further their teachings?” 

A smarter person would have shut up there but Anne swore she was experiencing loss of intelligence. “Well I think that your mothers are rolling in the grave at the thought of their sons attempting to assault an innocent girl.” 

A vein popped out of James’s head at her retort. “The thing is, Red, you’re right, but you lost your supposed innocence the second you mentioned my mom.” With a single flick of his finger, Tyler and the third boy stepped forward and each took ahold of Anne’s arms. “Now, I have the right to teach you a little lesson about respect.”

The first hit was to her stomach. Anne bit her tongue to keep from crying out but doubled over her assailants’ hands. 

The second was a slap across her face that left a prominent stinging that prickled the left side of her face. 

There was a pause between the advances as Tyler pressed his foot into the back of Anne’s knee, causing her to fall to her knees. The third was a kick to her stomach that knocked the air from her lungs. 

“Wanna apologize yet?” James knelt down to his level. 

Mustering the strength that had survived the kick, Anne spit in his face. 

“Wrong answer.”

 

Gilbert hadn’t seen Anne in approximately nine hours and seventeen minutes, but who’s counting? And it’s not like he hadn’t been checking his watch every five minutes since then. 

He found it very peculiar that he had been tasked with escorting the rest of his class back to the house. 

Even more so when Miss Stacey returned as the last ray of the sunset disappeared beyond the horizon and returned with news that made Gilbert sick to his stomach. “Anne’s been what?”

One of the younger boys had found her apparently, unconscious, battered and bleeding behind the orphanage. Miss Stacey had accompanied Diana and the rest of the girls to Charlottetown's port, where Cole and Josephine Barry had been waiting to intercept them. Where had he been during. . .it? Why couldn’t he remember? Here he was sitting on a carriage to the Barry estate in Charlottetown. 

He had managed to fit in a fitful three hours of sleep on the ferry but it was enough to keep him alert and circumspect in his seat. Gilbert didn’t want to be anything less than a hundred percent when he saw Anne. 

Cole greeted him with warm arms and consoling words. “She was barely conscious when Rollings and I received her. She’s on high dosage of---”

“It better be morphine and something with sleep aiding properties. . .sulphonal.” Gilbert finished hopefully. 

A small smile pulled the corners of Cole’s mouth. “Yes, she is. The doctor left us the viles and said we could use them over the next few days while she’s in immediate recovery. We sent Rollings to alert Bash and the Cuthberts of the situation. Diana and the girls are in the parlor, they’re pretty shaken up after having seen Anne like that.” 

“C-Can I sit with her?” 

“Of course, I wouldn’t deny my best friend her sole lucid wish?”

“Excuse me?”

“The whole time Anne’s been asleep she’s been asking for you. Not Diana, not Matthew or Marilla, you.” 

 

When he saw her, Gilbert hadn’t a clue what to do. None of the patients he had treated during his time with Doctor Ward had been this bad. 

Her skin had been flawless before and he had been able to continue every single freckle that was her beautiful face. . .which was now discolored with blue and purple swelling on her left cheek and eye. She had an additional laceration above the same eyebrow.

He had overheard the complaints she voiced to Diana about her lips, which Gilbert had wanted to refute with every fiber of his being, they had always looked perfectly kissable to him. Now the skin had been split down the middle. As he took the bruises that littered her arms, he stopped himself from thinking about what the rest of her body must look like. 

Gilbert took a seat in the chair next to the bed. His teeth latched onto his bottom lip, a defensive mechanism he knew well, it had developed from all the times he had stopped himself from crying while he waited on his father. And Mary, while they were on their respective deathbeds. 

He had lost his faith after his father died. It was ironic that Mary taught him to trust the very being that took almost his whole family away from him. 

Listening to her even but labored breaths, he sent out a feeble prayer. “Not Anne, don’t You dare take my Anne-girl away from me and everyone else that loves her. You don’t get to take this one.” 

In a moment of sentience, Anne opened her eyes. Gilbert had her hand in his before she could fully regain consciousness. “Gil?” 

Despite his best efforts, a tear slipped down his face as he brought the vile of sulphonal to her lips. He saw the dubiety in her eyes but gave her a nod that it was okay to drink. The effects of the medicine set in almost instantly, causing Anne’s eyes to droop closed again. 

“It’s okay, Anne-girl. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”


End file.
